As you probably already know, loss of libido is a sensitive subject. The decreased levels of estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone during menopause may make your partner irritable and simply not in the mood for love. You want to have open communication with her; however, the change in your sex life is affecting you equally.
It may feel difficult to express your thoughts in a clear and constructive way, but this is important to your relationship. Both of you will greatly benefit from open communication, and you can avoid letting tension build up.
You shouldn't talk to her about your concerns when you want to have sex. This can put a lot of pressure on her, and you will be more likely to become frustrated. In the heat of the moment, you can't express thoughts as articulately, and this can lead to harmful misunderstandings.
Try a time when you know your conversation will not be intercepted, during a relaxing point in the week. Maybe you can have a discussion on a sunny afternoon on your day off, so you can both give the subject the time and care it needs.
Be loving and keep close contact. It is best if you are sitting beside each other, maybe on a couch, a park bench, or walking and holding hands. You should be affectionate with her and assure her of your love by being close or giving her a kiss. Women can be very emotional during menopause, so the more comfortable and loved your partner feels, the better she will react.
Speak to her with compassion. The best way is with a smile and eye contact. It is all about how you word it, so approach her with support. Explain that you know she is going through a lot, and you would love to help her through it.
Remind her of how attracted you are to her, and that you care and would love to work on the issue. She has likely been holding in pent up sexual frustration as well, so it may be a relief for both of you.
One useful solution for loss of libido is phytoestrogenic herbs, such as black cohosh. This can restore her lowered estrogen levels, enhancing her ability to become aroused.
You can also suggest that you start doing exercises together that stimulate blood flow to the sex organs, such as cardio, yoga, and Kegel exercises. This can be a bonding experience, too.
Also, if you want to use lubrication, do not opt for conventional brands. Buy some coconut, olive, or sweet almond oil for safe, natural lubrication.
Although it can be intimidating at first to start the dialogue, you will quickly see the benefits of your openness. Make her feel beautiful and special, while expressing your feelings as well. Communication is the key to a healthy sex life.
For more information on loss of libido and how to treat it, follow the links below.
- National Institutes of Health. (2013). Physical activity. Retrieved March 31, 2014, from http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001941.htm
- Office on Women's Health. (2012). Menopause and Menopause Treatments. Retrieved March 31, 2014, from http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/menopausetreatment.html
- University of Maryland Medical Center. (2011). Black cohosh. Retrieved March 31, 2014, from https://umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/herb/black-cohosh